A real test of your manners and composure is to stick yourself on a 20 pound piece of metal, on two skinny wheels, the likes of which you have not rode since you were about ten years old and see how long you can last while riding in a busy city. 

Even in a place like Seattle, which is supposedly very bike-friendly, such an undertaking is fraught with peril. I was naturally doomed from the start. I’d really only ever ridden in rural areas, and cows didn’t exactly jump out into the rode or anything so I’d had little need to be wary of hitting anything or anyone before.  On top of that, the only experience I had in purchasing a bicycle was in picking out which color of sparkly tassel things I wanted to stick on the bike my dad just bought for twenty bucks across the street. Imagine my surprise when I discovered there were different kinds of bikes, not to mention different sizes. Yikes! 

So far there have been no real injuries, though as the personification of clumsy as well as a perfect demonstration of the effects of gravity on a regular basis, I’m not quite the norm or a good test subject. I’ve got six feet of gangly body to manage and I’ve never quite mastered the art of doing so with any sort of grace or stability even on two feet but in my first couple of weeks of trying wheels on for size, I’ve got a few kernels of wisdom that might just be worth a scraped knee or two. 

1. Getting the proper sized bike for your height is important. Not just for comfort. When my boyfriend racked himself just trying to ride down a hallway, I realized I’d never have to worry about anyone shorter than me being able to steal it and ride away with ease.

2. Helmets will protect your noggin.

3. But they will also keep your finely trimmed bangs from impairing your vision at inopportune moments. Such as busy intersections. 

4. Name your bike. It makes it less awkward when you curse at it in public. But only a little.

5. That “Please stop hogging the sidewalk” look your giving people, may translate to some men as “I dig you and really like it when you yell cutesy names and bad pick up lines at me until I can ride fast enough to get out of earshot”. You think I’m kidding. Try it. 

6. If you live in an area that has heavy tourism, avoid the areas where you know they’ll be flocking. We all love and appreciate tourism in our home cities. But it sure isn’t the locals who make regular, dead stops to check the brightly colored map they got at the rest stop or take pictures in front of Star Bucks. Vehicular manslaughter looks really bad on your record so pick yourself up on of those maps, and find out which streets are safe.

7. Ride around the pigeons, not through them. Should be self explanatory. 

8. New bike locks are usually coiled up pretty tight. When your undoing it from the bike rack, don’t just pull unless you want a black eye or worse. 

9. Those people you see with one rolled up pant leg are not just making a fashion statement. The first time you see someone go flying when their pants get caught in the chain, you’ll understand why. 

10. Don’t change gears while at a stop. Bikes don’t like that. 

I’m sure I’ll only become further educated as time goes on. Lets just hope I stay out of traction as well.